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[30 Jul 2004|04:07pm]
and im spent. for good.
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[08 Jul 2004|11:11pm]
mare just called to say goodbye. all i could tell her was to have a good time and that i would write. then my eyes got real warm and i started to feel tears roll down my face. "we still have four days left," i said. who am i kidding? AJBFlbf>Ubf!!!1 its all becoming so real that things arent gonna be the same forever. yea, things always change, but in retrospect theyve stayed relatively the same. but now, im thinking of how much this girl means to me. and how when everyone would do something and wed be left out we would just slide down icy golden on a pizza box. nothings bad with mare. theres always a prank call, good food, great music, a movie, or a really bad joke to make things better. i love mare warner so much. 5 weeks is a long time to be gone. but shes going to have so much fun. i cant wait to hear all about it. and im gonna try and write a bunch. but 4 DAYS!!! WHAT? thats ridiculous. this isnt just a vacation. it was planned perfectly as a goodbye. yea, theres andys party- that i wont let her forget- but when she called tonight it really was a goodbye. it was a, 'see you in 5 weeks, for 4 days, then not for a fairly large amount of time. and by the way, goodluck.' yea, it was one of those sort of calls. college!! what??
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[08 Jul 2004|01:01pm]
alex petersen on his new email address, life, and love:

So now you can all update your contacts lists, if you feel so inclined. You know, I would think that we would all want to keep in touch (because we're all such a close-knit, community meeting having, pretzel game playing, compassionate, intersupportive Montessori class of 44 erdkinders (children of the land)) and this would be such a small step toward the effort to preserve the family that we have become....or something like that.
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[30 Jun 2004|10:13pm]
"you got your way," he said. but it wasnt the where that mattered.
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[28 Jun 2004|04:28pm]
tuesday/ thursday:
8:00-9:15 intro to education
9:30-10:45 math for teachers 1
11:00-11:50 university seminar

9:00-9:50 basics of composition
10:00-10:50 fine arts [prehistoric- 14th century art]
2:00-2:50 general psychology

every day
3:00-5:15 soccer

[17 credit hours my first semester]
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[26 Jun 2004|10:59pm]
im coming to the conclusion that soulmates don't exist, only fucking amazing or fucking shitty people that change your life in drastic ways.
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[23 Jun 2004|08:55pm]
thank you for tonight. for understanding the feelings i was having. and for just accepting that it was my throat. the one that is swelling into my mouth. thank you for taking the time to let the sun dry out our skin. knowing we need lotion. and laughing. thank you for appreciating long hot showers. hating when someone flushes. and then when the shower is no longer capable of producing water of any decent temperature. thank you for eating atleast one freeze pop while i eat three. and letting me suprise you with a color. thank you for finding that cd. the one with the songs that we sang to until our voices were horse. thank you for just smiling. it makes me want to smile just the same. thank you for sharing the things that arent to be shared. and sharing them whole heartedly. you were always the most honest one. thank you for realizing the shortness in time and knowing how to appreciate every second of it. thank you for being you. and for knowing all i can do is be me. thank you kindly.
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[20 Jun 2004|09:38am]
i forget why i could love you. but i think its because you let me love you.
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[18 Jun 2004|09:40pm]
i bet no one reads this whole thing. waaaaahhhh!!!Collapse )
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[18 Jun 2004|08:43pm]
i keep having this reoccuring dream of watching someone send emails from my computer and all i can see is their hands, but its no ones that i reconize. and they type something into the subject. copy it. and paste it into the body of the email and send it. but i never see who its to, and what it says. just a dream i guess.
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[15 Jun 2004|07:39pm]
in two months one day thirteen hours and twenty minutes i will move into what will become newly associated with home. i am equally scared and apprehensive as i am ecstatic. i have no real reason to be worried about leaving those ive found comfort in. years of partially chastised and often contradicting relationships have finally been seemingly forced into a positive finale. those that are going to carry on some sort of legacy will. these are the ones that as time dwindles- remain. it saddnes me to think of those that i invested everyhting in, yet resulted in some sort of pain. but those are the lesser in value when it comes down to it. i have found that i need to move on. its not something that i necissarily want to do, but its needed. life must go on, and im ready to accept the things coming. but please- send me some more good ones.
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[14 Jun 2004|11:10pm]
ive learned that it's a lot easier to find out who you are once you realize that you won't always have someone else to stand up for you. im realizing that i wont die if i stray from my friends and that its not the end of the world if my friends stop liking me. i cant stand love and how many different kinds there are because ive been around what i think is real love and i understand how that works and when i say it, i usually end up doing it just to make someone feel guilty or to make someone wonder what could have been or why it wasnt, or what was my problem.
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[13 Jun 2004|08:10pm]
the mention of your name makes me stomach drop to the ground. its heavier than my heart is and it scares me. i need you. im sorry.
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[10 Jun 2004|02:57pm]
the three of them lied there saturated in some form of tanning oil or another. each so perfect and beautiful in their own way. these are three of my favorite women in my life. i didnt however feel like i could give myself to the sun that day. the sweat pooled on their plastic chairs, but i couldnt lie there still enough. my body felt real lanky sprawled out on the chair. i felt limited in my movement and my skin was sticky against the plastic.
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[06 Jun 2004|05:36pm]
and i ate cottage cheese today. lots of it. i kind of broke my apparent diet of iced treats [sno cones and ice cream] but thats ok. i love cottage cheese.
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[05 Jun 2004|10:53pm]
is there any way i can get into school at all during the summer? natalie gave me my paints back the night of senior project night and i left them there. and all the sudden i have this insatiable urge to paint and be creative and ive used all my fingerpaints up today for lack of my other paints. it was fun, but none the less exhausting and i long for my acrylics back. so now i need my good paints and they are ALL AT CLARK. dAMNIT. anyone know if i can get in there??
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[05 Jun 2004|10:27pm]
ive made a diet out of chicken sandwiches and sno cones [queen size. mai tai is my new favorite flavor]. however, i broke my diet tonight with a few bites of rice risoto stuff and a kibob sized peice of chicken, later to enjoy-not a sno cone, but yes- a small chocolate soft serve in a cone with peanut crunch sprinkles. food is fun. now i am too sun burnt, or as cait puts it- char broiled- to do anyhting but sleep. cait says things better than me alot. she always comes up with the right word for things. once i beat her to it though. wheel and axel just about summed that all up. i am again hungry, and trying to contemplate if it is true hunger or just 10:30pm and im exhausted hunger. i will probably just go to sleep because another trip out for a sno cone would take entirely too much energy. at the movies there was a fact thingy that if everyone would unplug their tv when they arent watching it, then wed save double the energy of the hoover dam in a year. i dont know how much energy that for real is, so i simply ignored it, and deemed it too much energy to take the time to conserve enegry. goodnight.
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[01 Jun 2004|10:42am]
it doesnt really feel like summer at all. and i dont like that. the pool yesterday was a good start but the cleaning today definitly doesnt help at all. it was weird to talk to her. i wanted to pretend like things were fine. we noth know they arent, but maybe i was the only one pretending. anyways, today should hopefully be fun around 2ish. i love my girls. yes, even when they hang up on my. ray= asshole! sike. ok cleaning time. right.
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[30 May 2004|12:52pm]
you are the ammunition in every gun i fire.
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i got nothin [23 May 2004|05:50pm]
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldnt?
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